here we go again

today starts my second semester at seminary.. and if you read my post right before last semester started about chapters in life, i believe a new one is beginning to unfold.. and that makes me really excited!

last semester ended really well.. i'm still waiting on one more grade to come in (i know, crazy right?!) but i currently have a 3.67 on the semester (only B i've made so far was in greek, old testament turned out to be an A - that was the class i was "worried" about the most).. so i'll def keep y'all updated when that last grade comes in.

the gatlinburg ski trip with the live oak college group was amazing! we had soo much fun.. it snowed the whole week before we got there so there was a really good base for skiing & then it snowed the 2nd day we were there so skiing was just great all around! we went on a hike to a waterfall one day.. we never made it to the waterfall per say haha.. but it was incredible! there was snow everywhere and the group that went on the hike really bonded from it all.. we went ice skating one day and that was just a lot of fun all around..

2009: A Year in Review

so when i used to have my xanga, every year i'd post a yearly recap of memories, fun times, sad times, lessons learned, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences that happened over the past year.. i haven't done one since 2006 (i believe) so i'm attempting to rekindle a tradition.. its always nice to look back on the year.. and to also have the recap to look back on later.

the only thing i've found with respect to the lessons learned aspect is that you can't ever really have an unbiased recap since your perspective on an issue is based on your current state of affairs and could easily change in a matter of weeks, months, years. but without further ado, here is "2009: A Year in Review"

** after graduating college, i soon realized the "real world" wasn't all its cracked up to be. my hard earned diploma was barely worth the ink and tree pulp it was printed on.

** searching for a job in politics led me to searching for any job i could possibly take.. any job that would get my feet wet/in the door and make some connections. i sent out literally thousands of resumes, all to have maybe a 1/3 of those even responded to. some people were friendly, most places weren't hiring, and one guy was a complete douchebag. (see my post on 2.11.09 entitled "happiness is a warm smoking gun" for more info on that)

** because of these situations, i found myself at the bottom of the barrel having a great deal of concerns, anxiety, etc. so i really started passionately praying for God to do something.. show me an open door.. show me where else i could apply, etc.

** in doing so, God showed me that i had been focusing on what i thought i wanted for my life, not what He wanted for my life, so i started praying for guidance in following His will and thats when i felt Him calling me to the ministry/to start studying at seminary

** did some substitute teaching mostly at denham freshman high, but also some at dshs and also lohs.. hope to never have to do it again. the kids were horribly disrespectful and the pay was definitely not worth it. but it did tie me over while i looked for a more permanent job.

** moved a good friend up to kentucky indefinitely.. which was pretty tough, not knowing when/if she'd ever be moving back, how the friendship would be affected by it all, and mostly, just not having that person to hang out with on a very regular basis.. we've stayed in contact though (def not as much as we used to be but.. enough to keep the friendship alive and still a part of each others lives)

** church hopped for the longest time (about a year in total.. may 08 to around may 09) and never felt connected anywhere i went. i started attending Christ's Community pretty regularly because my parents were/are members there and i even helped them start up a mid-week youth service.. but i never felt like that was my home.

** all in God's timing, i got contacted about coming back to live oak methodist to play bass in the 1130 band and i'm so glad i accepted. things have been going great at loumc and i've gotten extremely involved (even moreso than when i was there originally).. playing bass at 1130, helping lead music for the thursday night service, about to start helping lead music for the youth, playing 4 songs in the V-Day Banquet, and a ton of other stuff. i've gotten to be really close friends with a lot of great people who i never really knew or only knew as acquaintances beforehand. i'm not sure what i'd do or where i'd be without those friends in my life right now.

** (this next one is kinda out of place chronologically but it fits with the previous bullet so) all of the positive things going on at loumc has put me in a tough situation though.. i haven't really expressed this to too many people yet, but here goes.. being in seminary and involved in church ministry is preparing me for a future in the ministry.. and as far as a job goes, it'd be beneficial to my resume, experience, knowledge, preparation, and future to get a job in the ministry.. however, i can't see myself leaving live oak at any point in the near future. things are going so great and i couldn't imagine leaving that behind.. it would definitely have to be a God thing.. which is guess is the way it should be anyway taking a job in the ministry.. but because things are going so great at loumc, it's kept me from finishing and posting my ministry resume for other churches to see.. i keep putting it off and i think its largely because of the reasons i just stated.. so thats def an issue i'm currently dealing with and something i would greatly appreciate prayers for.

** went to boston for the 5th (or so) time, this time with my parents and grandmother (on my dad's side).. it was interesting having her along on the trip but it was nice to see derek & shelby again since i only get to see them once or twice a year.

** moved back to the parents house after living on my own for 5 years. i'm living out in the gameroom so i'm not under their roof, which def helps alot with me still having my own life/privacy, but its also def weird living back here after being gone for 5 years. its been an adjustment, but its been a nice adjustment for the most part. how long i stay here depends on how the job/school situation continues to play itself out but hopefully i won't have to stay for too terribly long. i enjoy the freedom and responsibility of having my own place.

** went on a 15 day mission trip to ecuador. it was my first time out of the country and it was definitely a great experience. i went with a group from Christ's Community made up mostly of college-aged peoples.. alot of whom were originally from judson so i already knew em quite well. anyhow, we worked with kids, hosted a kids camp, helped out at 2 saturday kids club events, spent 3 days in the jungle of ecuador.. ahh such a great trip. definitely an amazing experience and one i'll never forget.

** started working on my Masters of Divinity at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. it was a bit overwhelming at first having taken a semester off of school and this type of learning being completely different from most of what i had engaged in prior. met some great Christian brothers and sisters, and took some great classes in my first semester (intro greek, philosophy of religion, worship leadership, exploring the old testament and spiritual formation) i'm still waiting on most of my grades but i did get a B in Greek and a P in Sp. Form. i'm excited to see what all God has in store for the rest of my time at seminary, as He's already showed me a great deal in just this first semester.

** started playing tennis again. i forgot how much i loved to play. it took a while to get back in the swing of things (haha get it?!) but it's been a heck of a lot of fun and a nice break from school, etc. we started going every saturday morning for quite a while, but havent been in a few weeks with rain and busy schedules and all.. hopefully we'll get back in the routine of it. i miss playing.

all in all, its been a great year. there were definitely a great deal of low points mostly in the first half of the year, but everything has really turned around and i'm extremely thankful for where i am now. i have a few great new friends (especially 2) who mean the world to me and i'm glad we've been able to become really close (like brothers and sisters) in a relatively short amount of time. y'all know who you are (if y'all even read this.. come to think of it.. i don't think y'all do.. hmm..)

anyhow, that about concludes the year in review.. as the 2nd of half of this year (especially the most recent couple months) has been pretty great, i'm really excited to see what all 2010 has in store. stay tuned to find out. i know i will. hehe.

honey makes everything magical

i just made the most amazing peanut butter and jelly sandwich i think i have ever made in my entire life. the proportions were just right. the flavors were nothing but the best: jif peanut butter, smuckers concord grape jelly, and nature's own honey wheat bread. expiration date: tomorrow. it was the perfect scenario. i decided to make it even better. the addition: a bit of honey. is there anything you can't add honey too and make it taste amazing?!

the aforementioned sandwich acted as my comfort food for tonight. my mint chocolate chip ice cream, if you will. while i'm on that subject.. whats the deal with all the mint chocolate stuff?.. doesn't that defeat the purpose of both.. chocolate is meant to be an enjoyably sweet candy substance. mint is meant (hehe) to be.. well, a mint.. to freshen your breath. all that good nonsense. combining the two leaves you with chocolaty minty smelly breath.. requiring you to then eat a mint, with no chocolate, to attain the fresh breath you first desired. don't get me wrong, i love chocolate and i love mint, but why can't we keep chocolate and mint in their respective places.. out of each others lives.

i digress. as i was laying in my bed attempting to tire myself with boredom, eventually resulting in sleep, i became hungry.. hungry like the hunger you get after you've just worked out. which would make sense, being that i had just worked out roughly an hour and a half prior. maybe working out at night isn't such a good idea.. it gets my blood pumping. gets my metabolism in high gear.. ready for some food.. all while my brain is ready for sleepy time. then i eat, only causing me to remain awake even longer, leading me here.

but i digress. laying in bed, i was thinking about my plans for tomorrow. go to lsu to pick up an official college transcript to send from the post office with an application for a potential job with the city of baton rouge. go to the bank to deposit a check. go to livingston parish and apply at dsfh, dshs, whs, and lohs to become a substitute teacher.

and thats when it really hit me. i am settling. i have a degree from a respected local college and i can't find employment. society told me to achieve this education and i could go places in life. good thing i am about to become a sub. that education i got means nothing at this point. i have a piece of paper that is worth about as much as the tree pulp and ink that went into producing it. i am taking a job that i could have easily gotten without 4 and a half years in college. without spending thousands of dollars, amassing thousands of dollars worth of debt.. all while working my butt off to achieve something society said would be rewarded. where's my reward?

but i have to settle. i have to obtain an income. i cant continue living off of saved paychecks from the fall. i cant continue scrounging every penny that i can lay my hands on just to sustain my life on the planet earth. money is a necessity. a necessary evil that i am now confronting face to face.

i would love to find a job that is relevant to my degree. i would love to find a job in politics because that is what i am passionate about. i majored in politics because i care about politics. i want politics to become my future, my job, my life.. as sad as that might sound. but i am again confronted with the lack of experience.. and the fact that my degree apparently means nothing to those looking to hire people like myself.

and to the realization that politics is all about who you know.. and while im not complaining about my upbringing in the slightest little bit, frankly.. i dont know anybody. i dont know anybody who matters. therefore my entry into the political realm is not as easy as it is for others. i don't have the luxury of inheriting a political family tradition.. or of inheriting an extremely well-established lobbying firm right out of college (which was the situation at my most recent job interview).

but while some may look at that adversity and see an impossible mountain to climb, i see an incredible journey. an incredible chance for me to work my butt off to achieve the goals i have set out in my life. to not be hindered by society's lack of interest in my "experience" and education.. but to overcome that adversity through hard work, dedication, perseverance, and determination. and when i have reached the top of my game, i can look back and know that i fought my hardest. i wasnt simply handed a title or fame. i earned it. and i'll be proud of that. and i'll have a better understanding.. a better comprehension.. a deeper respect for those who are in my position now.. struggling to find their way. fighting what seems to be an impossible battle.

although the journey may be long and it may difficult, we shall overcome.

honey certainly is magical, isn't it?

life is beautiful?

where do i even begin? another chapter of my life has come and gone.. and looking back, i regret the fact that i didn't make the most of it.. college slipped away. it was never my priority. my GPA and lack of involvement are proof of that. i was too focused on where i had been.. instead of closing the high school chapter of my life when it should have been closed.. i tried to maintain old friendships, which made it impossible to make new ones. most of those friendships too have come and gone. that isn't to say that i haven't made any new friends in 4 and a half years, i certainly have and they've all made a lasting impact on my life. but my days at lsu were relatively lonely because i had no one there to enjoy them with. all of my friends, both old and new, either dropped out of college or never went to begin with and they all lived in livingston parish, making it hard to visit them too often. this resulted in countless nights sitting in my apartment completely alone. what if i had met people that i could share experiences with? that truly cared about me? where would my life be right now?

growing up, i always had a close circle of friends that i could rely on and even more, that i could just be myself around. i dont feel that way about most of the friends i have now.. there's only one person i really feel this way around: josh mclin. he's truly been my best friend and we've stood by each other through ups and downs, mistakes and successes. i could never even begin to thank him enough for simply being there.. but, for 4 and a half years, my life was based around trying to make and keep other people happy.. and not worrying about my own happiness or future, for that matter.

so much of me has wanted to move away now that this collegiate chapter is over.. use the opportunity to really start anew, make new friends.. do things right.. live my life the way i want to live it. but we come back to the issue currently at hand.. i have no job. if i were to be offered a good opportunity tomorrow in Botswana, I would take it. i'm willing to go anywhere. anywhere but here.

thats not to say i dont like this place. louisiana will always be home. it has a special culture to it that no other place can quite capture the way southern louisiana does. i have family and some friends here. but.. my life here has dwindled. i need a fresh start. a new place would help that, i think. or am i just trying to run from my problems?

time will eventually provide an opportunity. where? i do not know. when? i don't know that either. i know for now though, i will certainly enjoy the free time. i need it. i need time to think. and for now, i will make the most of what i do have. enjoy the life that i've lived here in louisiana my entire life. enjoy what that life has become, with all of its ups and downs. life is beautiful.