2009: A Year in Review

so when i used to have my xanga, every year i'd post a yearly recap of memories, fun times, sad times, lessons learned, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences that happened over the past year.. i haven't done one since 2006 (i believe) so i'm attempting to rekindle a tradition.. its always nice to look back on the year.. and to also have the recap to look back on later.

the only thing i've found with respect to the lessons learned aspect is that you can't ever really have an unbiased recap since your perspective on an issue is based on your current state of affairs and could easily change in a matter of weeks, months, years. but without further ado, here is "2009: A Year in Review"

** after graduating college, i soon realized the "real world" wasn't all its cracked up to be. my hard earned diploma was barely worth the ink and tree pulp it was printed on.

** searching for a job in politics led me to searching for any job i could possibly take.. any job that would get my feet wet/in the door and make some connections. i sent out literally thousands of resumes, all to have maybe a 1/3 of those even responded to. some people were friendly, most places weren't hiring, and one guy was a complete douchebag. (see my post on 2.11.09 entitled "happiness is a warm smoking gun" for more info on that)

** because of these situations, i found myself at the bottom of the barrel having a great deal of concerns, anxiety, etc. so i really started passionately praying for God to do something.. show me an open door.. show me where else i could apply, etc.

** in doing so, God showed me that i had been focusing on what i thought i wanted for my life, not what He wanted for my life, so i started praying for guidance in following His will and thats when i felt Him calling me to the ministry/to start studying at seminary

** did some substitute teaching mostly at denham freshman high, but also some at dshs and also lohs.. hope to never have to do it again. the kids were horribly disrespectful and the pay was definitely not worth it. but it did tie me over while i looked for a more permanent job.

** moved a good friend up to kentucky indefinitely.. which was pretty tough, not knowing when/if she'd ever be moving back, how the friendship would be affected by it all, and mostly, just not having that person to hang out with on a very regular basis.. we've stayed in contact though (def not as much as we used to be but.. enough to keep the friendship alive and still a part of each others lives)

** church hopped for the longest time (about a year in total.. may 08 to around may 09) and never felt connected anywhere i went. i started attending Christ's Community pretty regularly because my parents were/are members there and i even helped them start up a mid-week youth service.. but i never felt like that was my home.

** all in God's timing, i got contacted about coming back to live oak methodist to play bass in the 1130 band and i'm so glad i accepted. things have been going great at loumc and i've gotten extremely involved (even moreso than when i was there originally).. playing bass at 1130, helping lead music for the thursday night service, about to start helping lead music for the youth, playing 4 songs in the V-Day Banquet, and a ton of other stuff. i've gotten to be really close friends with a lot of great people who i never really knew or only knew as acquaintances beforehand. i'm not sure what i'd do or where i'd be without those friends in my life right now.

** (this next one is kinda out of place chronologically but it fits with the previous bullet so) all of the positive things going on at loumc has put me in a tough situation though.. i haven't really expressed this to too many people yet, but here goes.. being in seminary and involved in church ministry is preparing me for a future in the ministry.. and as far as a job goes, it'd be beneficial to my resume, experience, knowledge, preparation, and future to get a job in the ministry.. however, i can't see myself leaving live oak at any point in the near future. things are going so great and i couldn't imagine leaving that behind.. it would definitely have to be a God thing.. which is guess is the way it should be anyway taking a job in the ministry.. but because things are going so great at loumc, it's kept me from finishing and posting my ministry resume for other churches to see.. i keep putting it off and i think its largely because of the reasons i just stated.. so thats def an issue i'm currently dealing with and something i would greatly appreciate prayers for.

** went to boston for the 5th (or so) time, this time with my parents and grandmother (on my dad's side).. it was interesting having her along on the trip but it was nice to see derek & shelby again since i only get to see them once or twice a year.

** moved back to the parents house after living on my own for 5 years. i'm living out in the gameroom so i'm not under their roof, which def helps alot with me still having my own life/privacy, but its also def weird living back here after being gone for 5 years. its been an adjustment, but its been a nice adjustment for the most part. how long i stay here depends on how the job/school situation continues to play itself out but hopefully i won't have to stay for too terribly long. i enjoy the freedom and responsibility of having my own place.

** went on a 15 day mission trip to ecuador. it was my first time out of the country and it was definitely a great experience. i went with a group from Christ's Community made up mostly of college-aged peoples.. alot of whom were originally from judson so i already knew em quite well. anyhow, we worked with kids, hosted a kids camp, helped out at 2 saturday kids club events, spent 3 days in the jungle of ecuador.. ahh such a great trip. definitely an amazing experience and one i'll never forget.

** started working on my Masters of Divinity at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. it was a bit overwhelming at first having taken a semester off of school and this type of learning being completely different from most of what i had engaged in prior. met some great Christian brothers and sisters, and took some great classes in my first semester (intro greek, philosophy of religion, worship leadership, exploring the old testament and spiritual formation) i'm still waiting on most of my grades but i did get a B in Greek and a P in Sp. Form. i'm excited to see what all God has in store for the rest of my time at seminary, as He's already showed me a great deal in just this first semester.

** started playing tennis again. i forgot how much i loved to play. it took a while to get back in the swing of things (haha get it?!) but it's been a heck of a lot of fun and a nice break from school, etc. we started going every saturday morning for quite a while, but havent been in a few weeks with rain and busy schedules and all.. hopefully we'll get back in the routine of it. i miss playing.

all in all, its been a great year. there were definitely a great deal of low points mostly in the first half of the year, but everything has really turned around and i'm extremely thankful for where i am now. i have a few great new friends (especially 2) who mean the world to me and i'm glad we've been able to become really close (like brothers and sisters) in a relatively short amount of time. y'all know who you are (if y'all even read this.. come to think of it.. i don't think y'all do.. hmm..)

anyhow, that about concludes the year in review.. as the 2nd of half of this year (especially the most recent couple months) has been pretty great, i'm really excited to see what all 2010 has in store. stay tuned to find out. i know i will. hehe.

break it down

this whole week is fall break at nobts. i'm used to the 2 day fall break non-sense lsu and other schools have, but hey i'm not complaining! plus we get the whole week of for thanksgiving too, rather than just 2 days (again like lsu).. woot.

our fall break is pretty late though compared to most other schools so all my friends are either working or in school this week.. actually most of em have midterms this week.. so good luck to all y'all out there. hope y'all do well on em! but yeh it leaves me with not too terribly much to do during the week, so i'm being a good student and getting caught up/getting ahead in a few of my classes.. i know, what a nerd right?! haha.. yeh its true.

i've been loving this cold weather. i've had my windows open all day and all night.. i love to sleep in the cold. the colder the better.. mostly cuz it feels so good to crawl into bed and snuggle up in the blankets and such.. too bad its supposed to be warming up for the next couple days.. boo on that junk..

well hopefully the break will produce something of value. i'll be sure to keep y'all updated.

muchlove.

create a moment

i have now been school-less and job-less for one entire month. at the beginning, i didn't really notice how much free time i had.. all the holiday festivities were going on with christmas and new years, plus graduation and the crazy excursion to boston.. so my first truly "free" week was last week and i enjoyed it to its fullest.. i did absolutely nothing, played way too many video games, stayed up late, just acted like a complete bum.. and enjoyed every last second of it.

then monday came. video games were no longer appealing to me (and haven't been for the entire week), tv is getting dull and not entertaining me much, books lose my interest after a few short minutes.. basically, its hard to fill up a whole day with pointless, time-wasting activity. i have no commitments, no obligations, no nothing. just wake up.. find something to do to kill the day and go back to sleep. and none of it entertains me anymore. i need to get out of this apartment.

i've broken up errands into small duties.. meaning i have little errands to run each day, as opposed to getting them all done in one day. while that would feel extremely productive and make for a great day, i would then truly have absolutely nothing to do on the other days. today, i went to the post office to mail 2 documents, one an application, the other a thank you note. yesterday, i went to lsu to pick up 2 official transcripts to accompany the 3 applications i faxed from fedex kinko's to various employers (who knew faxing was so dang expensive?!)

yesterday was my first day back at lsu when school was in session and me there not as a student. actually, heck its the first time since spring testing (as a high school sr) that ive been to lsu when its in session and not been there as a student. the feeling of being finished hit me again when i was there yesterday. i saw a bunch of people walking around.. some excited to start a new semester, some still sleepy from not having re-adjusted their sleep schedules since the break. i thought of the first week enthusiasm, skepticism, and even anxiety felt for your new classes, new teachers, new faces. the pressure of seeing the syllabi, knowing what awaits you for the next 4 or so months of your life. i saw, and pictured, these thoughts on everyones faces.. and i was simply there. no anxiety over school work. no wondering what my next class will be.. whether this professor was putting on a show for the first day (whether positively or negatively).. i was simply there to handle business. i think the feeling would have been better had i had a job though.. i could have been there with no anxiety in my life whatsoever.

to return to my previous statement of "i need to get out of this apartment" also requires a look at my previous post entitled "Life Is Beautiful?" I understand that the majority of people, my friends included, work during the day. if they work at night, they sleep during the day. both of those provide no day-time relief for my symptoms (when did this turn into a dayquil commercial? hmm..) so during the day, i occupy my time with pointless nonsense (and redundancy). by night time, and i mean early night time, not this current time of night.. i am completely bored out of my mind.. seeking any sort of relief, any sort of escape from this repetitively bored state of existence. however, my friends, the ones that would hang out with me during the week, typically reside in the parish of livingston and don't have much incentive to drive out to BR just for me.. maybe i should provide more incentive.. hmm.. anyhow, so my night consists of even further boredom, leading to a great deal of ranting (as is exhibited through this post)

in closing (i know, finally! right?), i need something to do. something to occupy my time. i would love to stay busy the entire day and wonder where my free time went. at this point, it sounds like such a capital idea. people watching, eating, driving (not at the same time), catching up with old friends, anything really. heck, tennis would be nice! i need the exercise

life is beautiful?

where do i even begin? another chapter of my life has come and gone.. and looking back, i regret the fact that i didn't make the most of it.. college slipped away. it was never my priority. my GPA and lack of involvement are proof of that. i was too focused on where i had been.. instead of closing the high school chapter of my life when it should have been closed.. i tried to maintain old friendships, which made it impossible to make new ones. most of those friendships too have come and gone. that isn't to say that i haven't made any new friends in 4 and a half years, i certainly have and they've all made a lasting impact on my life. but my days at lsu were relatively lonely because i had no one there to enjoy them with. all of my friends, both old and new, either dropped out of college or never went to begin with and they all lived in livingston parish, making it hard to visit them too often. this resulted in countless nights sitting in my apartment completely alone. what if i had met people that i could share experiences with? that truly cared about me? where would my life be right now?

growing up, i always had a close circle of friends that i could rely on and even more, that i could just be myself around. i dont feel that way about most of the friends i have now.. there's only one person i really feel this way around: josh mclin. he's truly been my best friend and we've stood by each other through ups and downs, mistakes and successes. i could never even begin to thank him enough for simply being there.. but, for 4 and a half years, my life was based around trying to make and keep other people happy.. and not worrying about my own happiness or future, for that matter.

so much of me has wanted to move away now that this collegiate chapter is over.. use the opportunity to really start anew, make new friends.. do things right.. live my life the way i want to live it. but we come back to the issue currently at hand.. i have no job. if i were to be offered a good opportunity tomorrow in Botswana, I would take it. i'm willing to go anywhere. anywhere but here.

thats not to say i dont like this place. louisiana will always be home. it has a special culture to it that no other place can quite capture the way southern louisiana does. i have family and some friends here. but.. my life here has dwindled. i need a fresh start. a new place would help that, i think. or am i just trying to run from my problems?

time will eventually provide an opportunity. where? i do not know. when? i don't know that either. i know for now though, i will certainly enjoy the free time. i need it. i need time to think. and for now, i will make the most of what i do have. enjoy the life that i've lived here in louisiana my entire life. enjoy what that life has become, with all of its ups and downs. life is beautiful.