life is beautiful?

where do i even begin? another chapter of my life has come and gone.. and looking back, i regret the fact that i didn't make the most of it.. college slipped away. it was never my priority. my GPA and lack of involvement are proof of that. i was too focused on where i had been.. instead of closing the high school chapter of my life when it should have been closed.. i tried to maintain old friendships, which made it impossible to make new ones. most of those friendships too have come and gone. that isn't to say that i haven't made any new friends in 4 and a half years, i certainly have and they've all made a lasting impact on my life. but my days at lsu were relatively lonely because i had no one there to enjoy them with. all of my friends, both old and new, either dropped out of college or never went to begin with and they all lived in livingston parish, making it hard to visit them too often. this resulted in countless nights sitting in my apartment completely alone. what if i had met people that i could share experiences with? that truly cared about me? where would my life be right now?

growing up, i always had a close circle of friends that i could rely on and even more, that i could just be myself around. i dont feel that way about most of the friends i have now.. there's only one person i really feel this way around: josh mclin. he's truly been my best friend and we've stood by each other through ups and downs, mistakes and successes. i could never even begin to thank him enough for simply being there.. but, for 4 and a half years, my life was based around trying to make and keep other people happy.. and not worrying about my own happiness or future, for that matter.

so much of me has wanted to move away now that this collegiate chapter is over.. use the opportunity to really start anew, make new friends.. do things right.. live my life the way i want to live it. but we come back to the issue currently at hand.. i have no job. if i were to be offered a good opportunity tomorrow in Botswana, I would take it. i'm willing to go anywhere. anywhere but here.

thats not to say i dont like this place. louisiana will always be home. it has a special culture to it that no other place can quite capture the way southern louisiana does. i have family and some friends here. but.. my life here has dwindled. i need a fresh start. a new place would help that, i think. or am i just trying to run from my problems?

time will eventually provide an opportunity. where? i do not know. when? i don't know that either. i know for now though, i will certainly enjoy the free time. i need it. i need time to think. and for now, i will make the most of what i do have. enjoy the life that i've lived here in louisiana my entire life. enjoy what that life has become, with all of its ups and downs. life is beautiful.

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